


Moments

by restless (cabinfever)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Don't Judge Me, M/M, okay this was my first fic and it's horribly cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 23:06:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cabinfever/pseuds/restless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s New Year’s Eve and Zayn is alone. He can’t stop himself from remembering why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments

The wind whistles around the top of the building, making goose bumps raise themselves on his arms. There are a few tall, spindly, bare trees on this hotel’s roof garden, casting shadows across the ground in grotesque parodies of human arms. It’s cold tonight; he thought that New Year’s Eve would be a good time to do this.

“New Year’s Eve is the time for new beginnings,” he mutters. “And for the old problems to end.”

It’s all his fault.

It’s all his fault, the guy with the ridiculously silky sandy brown hair and dark brown eyes that see into his soul. It’s all his fault, the boy with the perfect voice and all the right moves. It’s all his fault, that best friend of his.

Goddamn Liam Payne.

“God,” he hisses, bending over and pounding his fists on the ground, trying to cut himself on the gravelly ground just so that the pain would go away, that it would just leave him alone. “Why couldn’t you have just never existed?” He sits back, leaning against one of the bare, cold trees, pounding the back of my head, trying to ease the pain in his heart but making his mind go into overdrive.

*          *          *

“Liam?” he asks, looking up at his friend. The Wolverhampton boy’s lips twitch into a grin as he looks down at Zayn, and Zayn could’ve sworn that he was going to melt right then and there. He looks wonderful like this, his dark eyes gleaming with adrenaline and his hair all messy. That’s what Zayn had always loved about concerts; the fact that Liam always seemed to be high on the adrenaline afterwards and had that smile that drove Zayn insane.

Niall is passed out in the front seat, and Paul is distracted by the radio. Harry and Louis are, as always, stone-cold knocked out in each other’s arms, forming one extremely odd creature with multiple limbs.

But his favorite part of this is the way that Zayn was sprawled out on the seat, his feet on the seat and his head resting in Liam’s lap. It wasn’t anything more than a friendly gesture from Liam, but to Zayn it meant everything. It meant that Liam trusted him not to pull any pranks (like Louis would’ve to Harry) or tease him for making the moment awkward. It was just pure innocent Liam, plain and simple yet so freaking perfect.

“Yeah, Zayn?” Liam finally replies after that eternity of thought, but then Zayn realizes that it’s only been a matter of moments.

He takes a breath. “You’re my best friend, right? Like very, very, best?” 

The look on Liam’s face is priceless. “Well, of course. Why, are you trying to replace me with Niall or someone?” His grin lights up the dark van, and Zayn can’t help but chuckle before he turns serious [again](http://ziambromancing.tumblr.com/post/37004359073/moments).

“So you’d never judge me? For anything?”

Liam’s face is solemn now; confused, even. “Yeah. Why?”

Zayn sighs and shifts uncomfortably, scooting up so that his head rests on Liam’s arm that’s resting oh-so-casually on one of Liam’s legs. He closes his eyes as, instinctively, Liam’s fingers begin to card through his hair.

Like they were meant to be there.

“I broke things off with Perrie.”

Liam’s hand halts its steady movements, and Zayn opens his eyes, taking in the open-mouthed shock that his best friend is clearly displaying. “Why?” the Wolverhampton boy as good as gasps.

Zayn shrugs. “It wasn’t working out.”

“Neither of you cheated, right?” Liam is pretty much freaking out now, which is understandable. Danielle had dumped him a month ago because she’d been cheating on him with one of her dancer friends. So now he’s anxiously tugging at random locks of Zayn’s hair. Zayn doesn’t even think that Liam notices what he’s doing. He looks up indignantly at Liam.

“Damn, Liam, and I thought you trusted me!” he protests, only half-heartedly. “But no, I didn’t cheat and neither did she.” He pauses for a moment. “As far as I could tell.”

“But why?” Liam pesters. “You bloody well can’t just end a relationship out of the blue like that for no good reason. C’mon, Zayn, why’d you do it?”

Zayn swallows nervously. This is it. “I didn’t feel anything for her anymore. Not for a while, actually. I discovered my feelings for this other person and I realized that I should’ve broken things off with Perrie the second I met that other person.” Oh, god, he’s rambling now.

Liam looks…what? Skeptical? Confused? Disgusted? “Who, Zayn?” he asks quietly. Oh, yes, Zayn thinks, he’s disgusted. He can’t tell Liam now. Not when there’s that look glinting in his dark brown eyes that scare him with the prospect of disapproval. And if Liam knew it was him that Zayn had in mind when he broke it off…

“…I can’t tell you, Liam.”

“Yes you can.”

“No, Liam, I seriously cannot tell you who it is!”

“Zayn…”

“I said no, Liam!” Zayn finally explodes, sitting up in a flash and pressing himself to the window, hating himself for missing Liam’s body warmth as soon as he leaves it. “I shouldn’t have told you at all.”

He tries not to look back, tries not to look at the hurt look in Liam’s eyes, tries not to cry because, yet again, he’s pushed Liam away.

He hates himself for giving everything up for a boy who’d never love him back.

Why would he ever think that a flawless creature like Liam Payne could love a smoker, a tattoo display, a bad boy?

Was he really that desperate?

*          *          *

It’s during dinner the next day when Harry and Louis – bless them – notice how he’s keeping his distance from Liam. In the interview that morning, Zayn had made sure to keep himself as far from the Wolverhampton boy as humanly possible, though it was hard to do that when Liam kept throwing him puppy-dog looks across the back of the couch which Zayn, to his credit, had tried hard to ignore.

So the little Stylinson dream team had taken it upon themselves to drag Zayn to the kitchen.

“Seriously, Malik, what the hell?” Louis asks exasperatedly, perching on the countertop. “Liam’s been making his ‘I’m sorry’ face for ages now. What the hell could you have possibly done this time?”

“I broke up with Perrie.”

Harry’s face is priceless. “Jesus, why?” he splutters, trying not to choke on the sip of water that he’d just taken. The curly-haired boy puts down the glass and stares at Liam. “So why is that affecting Liam?”

Zayn looks down at his feet. “Well, I told him that I did it because I found someone else. And then he looked so disgusted with me because he must think it’s, like, cheating or something and I’ve gone and mucked it all up, Louis.” He slides down the kitchen wall and buries his head in his hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he whimpers. “I just couldn’t be with her anymore knowing that Liam is there, single, and I could just tell him now and maybe he could love me back.” He pounds his head against the wall. “This is so fucked up.”

“Language!” Harry calls out of habit, but then his gaze softens. “So what are you going to do about Liam?”

“Yeah, mate, you can’t just ignore him because you’re scared to face him and tell him the damn truth,” Louis pipes up, swinging his feet. “Just ease him into it. First tell him that you’re attracted to guys–”

“That’ll go down well,” Zayn snorts.

“But Zayn, just tell the boy. He’s far too nice and innocent to ever hate you for being gay or bi or whatever the hell you are.”

Zayn glares at Louis. “Yeah, but he might if I told him that it was him that I went bi for.”  He huffs and looks away.

“Just tell the boy you love him and then just ride out the storm. It can’t possibly be that bad, Zayn. Just don’t freak out and yell at him. And then…you deal with the consequences, good or bad.” Harry shrugs and opens the door to the kitchen, taking another swig of water before winking – that cheeky bastard – and leaving.

Louis pats Zayn on the shoulder. “Want me to get him for you, mate?” the Doncaster lad asks, his expression full of care for his younger friend.

“I guess now is better than never,” Zayn mutters reluctantly. “Just send him in and leave me alone to talk to him.”

“Done!” Harry singsongs, dragging a very confused-looking Liam into the kitchen in a similar manner to the way that he and Louis had captured Zayn minutes earlier. He and Louis simultaneously wink and smirk at Zayn before leaving.

“We’ll keep Niall from coming in to get food!” Louis calls over his shoulder before closing the kitchen door behind himself.

Leaving a very nervous Liam with an equally terrified Zayn.

Liam’s eyes glint when he finally meets Zayn’s eyes. “So, decided to talk to me now, is it?” he asks, his voice carrying hundreds of pounds of hurt.

“Sorry,” Zayn mutters. “I freaked out.”

“There’s no reason to,” Liam replies curtly, his tone still slightly hostile but with a hint of hope that Zayn notices and grasps onto. He holds onto that friendliness like a man stuck in the middle of a windstorm as he swallows and says three words that he instantly regrets.

“I love you.”

Liam looks confused. “…What?” he asks. Zayn’s heart sinks. And then he’s rambling, pacing around the kitchen and refusing to meet Liam’s eyes. He just can’t right now. He just has to make Liam understand, dammit!

“Okay, Liam, let me lay this out for you right here, right now. You’re perfect. Just so goddamn perfect and you have those eyes of yours that had my heart the second that I saw them at that McDonald’s. Your voice, your personality, your wit, your everything just has me in this sort of trance and you’re just everything. You’re everywhere. And now I can’t be with anyone else without feeling like I’m betraying you.”

“Zayn–” Liam tries to interrupt, but Zayn just barrels on. He’s beyond coherence right now, just needs to tell Liam everything.

“Because, Liam, I love you. Like, in love. And it’s been that way since those days in Harry’s stepdad’s bungalow when we sat around a fire and talked and laughed and I would meet your eyes and they had firelight in them. And then you started dating Danielle and it just tore me apart. Because, of course, I’m the jealous sort of lad and whenever you were with her all I could do was see red. And then you said that thing about always wanting what we can’t have and I’ve just been trying to show you how much I love you. And I know you’ve never thought that I’m gay, but I never told you guys and then I realized I couldn’t just stare at you like a lost puppy without having a girlfriend to use as an obstacle. So I found Perrie and, you know what, Liam?”

Liam is just looking lost now, grappling with the onslaught of information. So Zayn continues.

“Perrie didn’t distract me. She was just there, always trying to get my attention but you were the only one I ever saw. So I dealt with her for as long as I could. And even the fans caught on, and they’ve been calling bullshit on my relationship with her since day 1. But then that whore Danielle cheated on you and then I was the first one that you told. And that’s when I thought that I had some sort of chance with you. So I dumped Perrie and then…this happened.” Zayn stops just in front of Liam, staring at the younger boy’s feet. “So, I guess I just mean to tell you that nothing can take my mind off of you, Liam. You’re irreplaceable, and I’ve loved you every second of every day for years.”

He looks up.

He realizes he’s crying.

And so is Liam.

Zayn backs away in horror. He raises his hands and starts tugging at his hair. “Oh, god, Li, please don’t cry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you and now you hate me and–”

“Zayn.”

“And now everyone is going to notice that you can’t stand me. Oh, Liam, I’m sorry, I just can’t do anything right anymore. I’m such an idiot!”

“ZAYN! Listen to me!”

Zayn opens the eyes that he doesn’t remember closing. Liam is still standing in that same spot, still with tears running down his face. But now he steps forward and grasps Zayn’s wrists, pulling the older boy’s hands down so that he doesn’t pull out his own hair. “Zayn,” he says shakily. “Zayn, I won’t lie to you. I’m mad that you never told me about your sexuality, though I understand that you may have been insecure about it. And I guess now this explains why you never followed Danielle on Twitter.” He gives a dry little chuckle. “But, Zayn, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I didn’t exactly think that you’d react too well to a random profession of my complete and utter love,” Zayn retorts. “And I know you always think of me as a brother–”

Liam laughs quietly, cutting him off. “Did you ever notice that thing that I have where if I’m next to you I have to have my arm around you or at least be touching you in some way? How we’re both ridiculously possessive of each other?”

Zayn snaps his mouth shut.

“And, Zayn, I don’t know if you know that I’m bi.”

And then Zayn promptly opens his mouth again, his jaw gaping. “You’re serious?” he stammers.

“Yeah,” Liam chuckles. “And I think that the fact that I went to you when Danielle left me kinda opened my eyes to the fact that I’ve always loved you as more than a best friend.”

Zayn notices that Liam is still holding his wrists, so he eases his hands free and tentatively raises one to hover next to Liam’s cheek. He almost flinches with surprise when Liam tilts his head to the side and presses his cheek against Zayn’s hand.

And then Liam is leaning in a little bit and oh god when did his lips get so pink and Zayn’s leaning in too now and–

At first it’s nothing, just a simple press of lips, but then Liam is stepping forward and slowly pressing Zayn against the refrigerator and Zayn’s hands are both on Liam’s cheeks. And then Liam pulls away and they hang a centimeter apart, just breathing.

“May I do that again?” Liam asks with a shy grin. “I liked that quite a bit.”

And Zayn smiles. “I suppose so,” he replies, and then Liam’s lips are on his again, more insistent this time so Zayn reciprocates with equal pressure until Liam’s tongue runs across his lips, begging for entrance. And Zayn lets him because if he’s dreaming then this must be the best goddamn dream he’s ever had and he doesn’t want it to end on a bad note. So Zayn gets to explore the mouth he’s always been so entranced by and he can’t help but groan a tiny bit when Liam’s teeth find their way to his bottom lip and tug, tug until Zayn whimpers.

When they break for air, Zayn smirks. “I never realized you were such a dirty bastard, Payne,” he tells Liam.

The younger boy’s eyes are slightly darker than usual and he grins. “I think it’s a good surprise after spending so long with the sweet and innocent Liam.” He reaches up and tangles his fingers in Zayn’s thick black hair, pressing his forehead to Zayn’s. “Nobody else touches your hair, do they? Just me and the stylists?”

“I suppose that’s true,” Zayn replies, groaning as, suddenly, Liam’s head dips and he’s nibbling at a spot just below Zayn’s left ear. “Dammit, Liam,” he whines, and the Wolverhampton boy’s response is to suck at the spot, bruising it well. Then he peppers little kisses across it, soothing the sting away.

“My Zayn,” he breathes against Zayn’s neck. “Nobody can touch you but me.”

“Yours,” Zayn agrees, bringing his hands to Liam’s chin so that he can capture him in another kiss.

When they come out of the kitchen five minutes later with red lips and messed-up hair, Harry, Louis, and Niall share a smirk.

“I knew it’d work!” Louis crows.

Niall laughs. “You twats took a long time to come to your senses!”

And then the three of them are up from the dining room table and are pulling Zayn and Liam into a large hug, jumping around and hollering.

And Zayn feels Liam’s lips brush against the mark on his neck, and he grins.

Because maybe a guy like Liam could love a guy like Zayn.

*          *          *

TWO WEEKS LATER

“Today?” Zayn begs Liam as the younger boy buttons up his blue plaid shirt. “I think that we should tell Radio One today, because they were the ones that first played our music and they’re playing the new single today so–”

He is stopped by Liam’s lips, which press against his in an ‘I love you but be quiet’ type of way.

Liam pulls back, grinning. “You talk too much.”

Zayn grins and turns away, grabbing his trousers from the bed where he’s laid them out, hopping into them in that little dance that apparently is so endearing to Liam. “But, Liam, I mean it,” he insists. “Knock the fans and management on their heels. Can we please just come out as a couple in the place where our lives started?”

“You always were the rebellious one,” Liam murmurs, walking over to Zayn and running his fingers over the One Direction logo tattooed into Zayn’s left bicep. “Does it really mean that much to you?”

“Yes,” Zayn replies with utmost certainty. “I’ve never been more determined to get what I want.”

Liam smiles, still absently tracing the tattoo with his finger. The sensation makes Zayn shudder with the light prickling of Liam’s warm fingers on his skin. “If it’ll make you happy, Zayn, then of course we’ll do it.”

“Thank you so much, Liam!” Zayn as good as yells, picking up his boyfriend and spinning him around. He can’t believe it.

Can his life get any better?

*          *          *

“Hi! We’re One Direction!”

“Well, for the first time ever in the world, here it is, from One Direction’s third album! Yes, folks, here is the much-anticipated single,  _Takeoff_!”

And there it is. The song that opens with Liam’s sweet croons, that is carried into the chorus by Harry’s rough tones, and carries itself into the Louis and Niall’s duet, finishing on that impossible note from Zayn. And Zayn couldn’t be prouder when he hears that note of his skimming over his friends’ perfect harmonizing.

It could possibly be his favorite song ever.

“Wow, lads, that was amazing! What a change from the more pop-star tones of the first and second album! Now I see you’ve gotten into a bit of the rock vibe. I think the fans will like it!”

“We hope so,” Harry laughs into his microphone. “We worked for ages on it.”

“And now we have some fan questions for you…care to hear them, boys?”

“Sure!” the boys chorus in unison.

The interviewer laughs as he looks down at his paper. “Niall, if you could be only eat one item of food for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

Niall’s face is so adorably perplexed that Zayn can’t help but prod the Irish boy in the ribs. “C’mon, Nialler, what food?”

“I…don’t know…” Niall says, sounding as if there is some sort of internal struggle going on. “There are so many choices!” He fake sobs into the microphone, a grin on his face.

 “Don’t worry, Niall, here’s the next question. Oh,” he chuckles, “this one is from the user called ziamheartfeelings. What a name! And the question is: Zayn, is the Ziam bromance real?”

Zayn looks over at Liam, who squeezes his hand, then over at his other bandmates, who offer thumbs-up of encouragement. He leans in towards the microphone. “Well, I guess you guys are the most observant fandom ever…um, how can I put this…? Yes, you guys. The bromance is real, but I suppose you might as well take off the ‘b’ in that.”

“I love Zayn Malik,” Liam interjects. “I’ve been in love with him since I met him but I never came to my senses until two weeks ago. And what an idiot I’d been till then.”

“So you heard it here first, guys. I’m dating Liam Payne and I’ve never been happier. So thanks.” Zayn leans away from the microphone and turns around. Just as expected, Paul is standing there, his mouth gaping and eyes burning. But Zayn’s riding on the high that he got from claiming Liam as his to the country. He just winks cheekily at Paul and faces forward again, pressing a kiss to Liam’s cheek. “We did it, love,” he whispers to his sandy-haired lover.

“And that’s all we have time for today, folks! Here’s your favorite band signing off, leaving you with a piece of juicy info that we can’t believe! Boys?”

“Massive thank you for all of the support from the fans!” Liam chirps. “We wouldn’t be here without you!”

“See you later!” Louis calls.

“Bye!” Niall, Harry, and Zayn say in unison. The ON AIR sign clicks off and then Paul is grabbing Zayn and Liam by the shirts, dragging them out of the studio.

“What the hell was that?” he demands, getting in both of their faces.

“I think it was pretty obvious what the hell that was,” Zayn retorts, jerking out of Paul’s grasp and pulling Liam away.

“Did you even stop to  _think_  about what could do to this band, to your careers? Do you have any idea of how many fans you will lose now that you’ve come out?”

Liam steps forward, his eyes blazing with an intensity that makes Zayn shiver. “If our fans are true fans, they’ll accept us,” he spits, in a way so unlike the Liam that Zayn knows and loves. “If not, then oh well. They’re our fans, Paul. We can say whatever we want to them. And no matter how much damage control you try to do to cover this up, we’ll just keep screwing it up for you. So we can be gay, Paul, and we’ll enjoy it. So leave us alone.” He gives one last glare to Paul before muttering, “Come on, Zayn.”

Zayn follows behind, catching up with his lover to slip a hand around his waist. “That was beautiful, love,” he whispers. “Ready to face the world?”

“If I have you with me,” Liam replies, choking back a laugh as they turn a corner in the hallway and are faced with Harry, Louis, and Niall holding up a massive orange banner reading ‘ZIAM IS THE ANSWER’. It had a stick figure on one side of the words with an oversized picture of Liam’s head on it and one of Zayn on the other side. And, true to form, the boys had signed the banner with their little names: Nialler, Hazza, and Boo Bear.

Zayn doubles over laughing at the sight of his three best friends sitting all over each other with ridiculous grins on their faces. He and Liam rush their bandmates and tackle them into a massive group hug on the ground. “Thanks, mates,” he mumbles into what he’s pretty sure is Harry’s right arm. “Now let’s go see those screaming girls.”

Harry, Niall, and Louis walk out of the doors first, greeted by ear-shattering screams from the fans. Then, after the ten-second interval that Louis had ordered that they wait for, Zayn and Liam walk out of the studio doors, hand in hand.

The crowd goes wild. The fans start a chant which starts off slowly but then grows in intensity as it swallows Zayn up and knocks him in the face with the wonderful reality that is his life.

“ZIAM! ZIAM! ZIAM!”

And Liam and Zayn laugh and wave to the fans, even peck each other on the cheek for pictures.

And for the life of him, Zayn can’t stop smiling.

*          *          *

ONE YEAR LATER

“ _And international boy band One Direction has finished their second Asia tour, and are now back in London. The boys were captured looking very happy to be home when they arrived back at Heathrow this morning.”_ The screen showed a shot of the five lads arm-in-arm, grinning at the photographer who had gotten the candid.  _“And what is this?”_ The camera zoomed in to show the One Direction logo tattooed into Liam’s left bicep, just like Zayn’s. “ _Sensible Liam Payne has gotten his first tattoo! What’s next for the singing sensation along with his boyfriend and bandmate Zayn Malik?”_

Liam clicks off the TV, snuggling in closer to Zayn. “Boyfriend,” he whispers, and Zayn barely suppresses the thrill that runs through him at that word. “Do you know what tomorrow is?”

“Well, I don’t know, Liam,” Zayn answers, frowning in mock concentration. “Somebody’s birthday?”

“Or our anniversary,” Liam replies playfully. “Or had you forgotten?”

“Probably forgot,” Zayn retorts with equal humor. “You know how bad I am at remembering such things.”

But Zayn had not forgotten. Definitely not. He’d taken Louis – the only other member of the band in a long-lasting relationship – and gone to the best jewelry store in London. So now there was a little black box in the back of the silverware drawer, hidden behind the spoons.

*          *          *

“Open your eyes,” Zayn whispers, yanking the cloth off of Liam’s eyes as he did so. He watches with bated breath as Liam opens those brown eyes that never cease to amaze him and sees those beautiful pink lips part with wonder.

They’re standing in the garden of their home that they’d bought together. Usually it just has a few trees and bushes, but Zayn had recruited his bandmates to help him plant pale violets and white orchids, and had strung the trees with white fairy lights that make Liam’s face glow.

“What’s this?” Liam asks in awe.

Zayn smiles gently at his boyfriend, trying to stop how he was shaking like a leaf. Or at least disguise it. “It’s your anniversary present, love,” he tells Liam, tenderly touching his face before stepping back a pace. “Liam James Payne,” he begins.

Liam puts a hand to his mouth.

“Liam, I know our relationship had an awkward and rocky start, but despite everything, you are still my world. You are my love, and I hope you always will be. And Liam, I know we’re only 21 years old but I want to make sure that you’re mine forever.” He gets down on one knee and retrieves the black box from the pocket of his suit jacket. He opens it to reveal the wide golden band that sparkles in the reflected gleam of the fairy lights. “Marry me, Liam?”

Liam is stock still, the hand still pressed firmly against his mouth. Zayn chances a closer look at his lover and sees that Liam is crying. Despairing, he moves to put the box away, but then Liam suddenly throws himself at Zayn and has tackled him to the ground, attacking his mouth with a hundred kisses.

“Yes! Yes, Zayn, a million billion times yes!”

They lay there for a while, exchanging searing kisses between their joyful laughter before Liam rolls off of Zayn and chuckles, reaching into his own pocket. “I guess we had the same idea,” he admits, drawing out a small, pure white box which holds a simple golden band much like the one that he now wears on his finger. “Will you marry me, Zayn?”

“Of course, love,” Zayn laughs, and now Liam is slipping a ring onto his finger and Zayn is in shock. He just got engaged!

*          *          *

ONE MONTH LATER

_inTouch:_

ONE DIRECTION COUPLE IN HORROR CRASH

_OK!:_

            ONE DIRECTION’S ZAYN AND LIAM IN CRASH WITH DRUNK DRIVER

@NiallOfficial

            Hey guys we need you to keep Zayn and Liam in ur hearts. they were in a crash today and are in really bad shape. #prayforziam

@Harry_Styles

            Update…zayn is awake and healing but liam just got rushed to emergency surgery #pray

@NiallOfficial

            oh no here comes the doctor. fingers crossedd

@NiallOfficial

            #prayforliam everybody.

_Star:_

            ONE DIRECTION’S LIAM PAYNE DIES FROM INJURIES

*          *          *

Zayn should be glad that he doesn’t remember the funeral that much. But every picture in the tabloids tells him the story that he missed.

He sees himself fighting against Harry, Louis, and Niall as Liam’s coffin is lowered into the ground.

He sees a video of him collapsing on his knees on the freshly packed earth, pressing his face against the marble headstone like it’ll bring him back. That it’ll bring back his Liam.

But nothing can bring him back from the dead.

Zayn tried his hardest to continue for the rest of the guys, but he couldn’t stand it after two months. Two months of torture knowing that the other side of the bed would remain empty and the house wouldn’t smell like Liam’s cologne again. Zayn didn’t listen to his music anymore because every song had  _him_  in it, had Liam and it drove him insane.

So he gets up from under the tree on the windswept rooftop garden, remembering fairy lights and wide brown eyes.

He walks to the edge of the roof, stopping just in front of the raised ledge. He hears the roof access door bang open behind him, but he doesn’t look. He closes his eyes and steps up onto the ledge, breathing deeply to soothe away the tears streaming down his face.

“ZAYN!”

That’s Louis’s voice, high and desperate and screaming.

He opens his eyes, staring out at the lights of the city. London is beautiful, he realizes. A beautiful way to go.

“ZAYN! COME BACK!” Niall shouts desperately, sprinting across the rooftop.

Harry screams, “NO! ZAYN, DON’T DO THIS!”

“Zayn.”

He blinks. And then he smiles. Because Liam’s standing there, with his hair a bit overgrown and styled into a quiff like his, just the way it was the day of the crash. He has that smile on his face that always used to make Zayn melt.

“Liam?” he whispers, and the tears start up again. “I’m ready, Liam.”

The Liam that stands in the sky in front of him reaches out a hand to touch his cheek, and Zayn could swear that he feels the touch he’s missed. “I’ll make sure it won’t hurt,” he assures Zayn. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Zayn smiles.

“Love you,” he whispers.

The screams of his friends become background noise. His heart doesn’t hurt anymore. He smiles. It’s fine.

_As I feel myself fall_

_Make a joke of it all_


End file.
